Upgrading to Geek Chic for Guys

Rejoice, the dark days of pocket protector stereotypes are long over. Finally, we’ve collective stumbled into a world where the charmingly quirky geeks among us can stand in the light of social acceptance. With computers, gaming and a host of other traditionally nerdy obsessions going mainstream, there is room for all of us at the cool lunch table.

Or, there is the potential for room with the cool kids. Just being a bit of a geek isn’t going to make you more marketable. There are enough of us lonely out there to have filled the digital media sphere with films, shows, stories and memes decrying our troubles. In this article we’re going to unpack how to upgrade from sitting forever alone to striding your way confidently through your love life.

Social Skills are Skills

Some stereotypes exist for a reason. For lots of us, our passions took us away from the development of social lives during our youths and teens. You’ll need to develop these social skills to survive in the dating world. Luckily, social skills are just skills. In the same way that you’ve mastered Ruby on Rails or Skyrim, you just need to get started building the basic components of social skills to be on your way.


One of the hardest things for us to deal with is the equal exchange of ideas. Geekdom is punctuated by a series of passions that often bleed into obsessions and it can be hard to remember to share the conversation when you’ve just discovered the BEST THING EVER. Before you get started on your rant, consider your conversation partner. Is she also interested in this topic? Does she seem motivated to talk about it? Rant away! Just make sure that you’re continuing to listen to her for feedback. If you find yourself on a breakneck monologue or that she’s starting to lose interest, offer to steer the conversation into a direction that lets her participate a bit more. She’s probably been saving up a rant as well!

This can seem like an impossible task for the introverted. Naturally eschewing the limelight, we’re happier filtering our social interactions through the web or through text. But even working with an introvert’s limited desire to engage, there are still measured steps you can take to develop social skills. Use your existing social life to expand out in ways that still let you feel comfortable and supported. Talking to new people may be a huge leap. But Tim’s girlfriend isn’t really a new person, is she? Tim knows and trusts her, so you should be able to borrow some of that trust and leverage it to be able to start a confident social exchange with her. Once you’re comfortable with her, try to meet some of her friends in the same scaffolded manner.

Dress the Part

I know, you love that ratty old band t-shirt. And it’s great. But dressing yourself is all about marketing yourself to everyone that sees you. Using clothes to communicate your interests is a great way of making a first volley in your campaign to broadcast yourself as a desirable partner. But it’s important to balance this with the larger image that you want to present to your future mates. Pairing geek clothing totems with a clean cut, smooth image will let you put your best foot forward without compromising your personality.

You’re a confident, collected, cool guy. It’s time to dress like it. Pair that (clean!) XKCD shirt with some jeans that suit your figure. To add a bit of flair, invest in one or two pairs of sharp looking but casual shoes. You want women to be engaging with your personality through your face so framing it with a nice haircut. You’re more than just a pretty face but by presenting your pretty face as part of the package, you’re helping market that big, beautiful brain to a larger audience.

This isn’t going to be enough to have women swooning at your feet (and you probably shouldn’t trust anyone who promises to deliver that) but they’re great first steps to being a more widely appreciated geek. Through the development of social skills to help you engage with potential partners and the looks to market yourself, you’ll be putting yourself in the best possible position to succeed.

Ways to Improve Your Sex Life

Sex is important to the human being; without it, your health can decline, you can become irritable, tired, depressed, and bored in your relationships.  If you need to pick up your sex life, it may be time to do some things differently.  Talk to your partner about trying new things, and you just might be surprised by what they have to say.  Often, it is not the sex that needs improving, but your point of view on the subject…  However, if you need some new things to try, there are a lot of great ways to spice up your life in the bedroom.

Have Sex In Unexpected Places:

Instead of constantly having sex in your bedroom, move it elsewhere.  If you don’t feel comfortable doing it outside of your home, try the kitchen, on the couch, as well as the stairs…  All of these places are easy to access and will provide you with an interesting new environment for your love making.  You may also want to do it in your back yard if you live in an area that is isolated enough that no one will see you.  Other places may include a hotel room, an elevator (make sure it’s not one that has security cameras!), bathrooms, a pool, etc.  Changing the places you go for intimate time is a great way to make it much more interesting.

Be Adventurous and Try New Things:

We know it can be scary to do things out of the ordinary, and there are many things that you may not be comfortable doing.  You should still take the time to consider new things, because there are a huge variety of techniques and ideas out there that you may decide you absolutely love.  Talk to your partner about things that they are interested in that they may have not chosen to confide in your previously.  If they don’t have any ideas, take some time together to browse around different ideas on the Internet and see if anything catches your eye.

Spontaneous Sex is Often the Most Passionate:

Maybe you only have ten minutes to get out the door and on your way to work, and you were planning on eating another slice of toast, but your partner walks into the room and you can’t take your eyes off them.  That can be a great time to have a quick burst of passion.  Or else, if you wake up in the middle of the night for a glass of water, you may want to wake up your partner for some late night fun.  This makes things unexpected and much more interesting.

It’s not very difficult to improve your sex life, you just need to look at it the right way, and be willing to do things differently.  After all, the reason that you need to improve it is because what you’ve been doing before now wasn’t working out for you…  Talk to your partner, you may be surprised by how many new, exciting, and different things are out there for you to try.

Things to Look for in a Date

When you’re new to a relationship, you’re just starting to learn more about the person you’re with, and it can be hard to get a good read on what kind of character traits they have.  There are some traits that you will be able to see right away and others that may take some looking for…  However, you need to be careful in what you look for; most people will naturally look for the bad things in people, and this is definitely something that you will need to avoid in order to have a successful relationship.  Here is a short list of some of the best and most positive traits that you should look for in a potential date, as well as some examples of things that will help you to pick out these traits right away.

Someone who is Interesting:

Obviously, this one is easy to come up with, but you may be surprised by how many people do not consider this a valid reason to date someone.  Having an interesting personality is very important, otherwise there will be no excitement in your love life, and you will have to go through long periods of awkward silences, or sitting through the entire date completely bored.  You can pick up on this character trait simply by talking to your date, and seeing how easily the conversation flows between the two of you.

A Person who is Caring and Attentive:

A date that pays attention is one that will keep you happy, and you won’t have to wait long for them to notice that something is wrong.  You want someone who genuinely cares about you, and wants what’s best for you.  Some of the best ways to spot a date with this trait is to look for someone who notices things that other people may not have noticed, or who asks questions and seems to genuinely care about the way that you answer.

Potential Dates who are Fun to be Around:

Interesting and fun may seem like very similar traits, but both are very different.  Someone could be interesting, and still not be all that fun to be around.  Most people want someone who is lively, and makes them laugh.  This brings happiness and joy to a relationship, as well as can help bring the couple through difficult times.  How can you tell if someone you are interested in is fun?  This is something that only you can decide, as it is based completely on the way you feel in their presence.  Other people may feel completely different than you do, and you cannot depend on their opinions.

Honesty is the Best Policy in Dating:

You want to know that you can trust the person that you’re with; otherwise there are few reasons for you to be with them in the first place.  It can be hard to get an idea of whether or not someone is honest, especially if you don’t know them very well yet.  The best way to gauge how honest they are is to ask them questions frequently, and see how they react when you dislike one of their answers.  Many people will lie to try and find things in common, or to avoid hurting their date’s feelings.  If they lie about simple things like this, chances are that they are dishonest about other things in their lives too.

Someone who is Loving and Nurturing:

This is another obvious one, but it may be more difficult for you to see it in your potential dates than you might think.  You will want someone who is able to take care of you in your times of need (and we all have them), and someone who can show you the love and appreciation that you deserve.  In order to see this in your date, you may have to risk being seen as vulnerable for a few moments to see how they react.  This will give you a good way to see how they will take care of the situation, and give you the care and attention that you think you need.

These 5 characteristics are some of the best things to look for in a date, which will certainly give you an idea of what to look for during the next date you go on.  If you find someone who you are compatible with, enjoy being with, and who has some of these qualities, then you should hold on tight to them, and show them your appreciation.

Sexy and Romantic Gift Ideas for Couples

If you want to get your significant other, or if you have a couple that you feel needs a gift to spice up their love life, you may have a hard time deciding what might be best.  Below are 3 great gift ideas… some of them far more personal than others, so if they are gifts for people other than you and your lover, you should gift them with care.  Either way, all three of these ideas will inspire romance and passion within the couple that has received the gift.  They will certainly appreciate it.

Send them out for a Couple’s Massage:

If this is not for yourself and your date, you should ask their permission so that you can schedule it for a time that will work for them, as well as avoid invading their privacy.  Some people may not be comfortable with some types of massage.  However, if you are getting the massage for yourself, then you know what will be best for your significant other, and you can have the opportunity to surprise them.  If you can’t afford to pay for two professional massages, you can simply buy some candles, towels, and massage oil.  This will make for an intimate evening in the bedroom, and you can take turns giving each other massages.  The results will be amazing, and you can take it in any direction you see fit.

Lingerie and Sex Toys:

This is probably something that you should only buy for your own relationship, rather than for someone else… but it will have a definite impact.  It will inspire passion, and it will be difficult to get the couple in question out of the bedroom for very long once they have new toys to play with.  You can splurge on the new toys and lingerie together, and take the time to select exactly what you want to experiment with.  There are a wide variety of different options available out there, and all of them are sure to result in a great time in bed.

Condoms and Lube:

You may be able to purchase these gifts for a couple, if you know them well, and know that they will not be offended or embarrassed by the gift.  However, this is another that is best purchase for yourself and your lover.  You will know best what type of condoms work well, or what flavor/base lube is preferred by you and your date.  You may want to try a new flavor, or something that would work better for anal sex… it’s all up to you.

All of these gifts will give you a great experience in the bedroom, and can work wonders if you need to bring some romance and passion back into your love life.  If it’s been a while since you had sex, this can be a great way to hint at it, and make the idea irresistible.  Make sure, however, that if you are giving these things to someone else that they will be happy to get them, rather than upset.  These are very personal things, and will have an amazing impact if given in the right way.

Romantic Date Ideas

Keeping the romance in your life can be extremely difficult at times, especially with how busy the world is these days.  It’s hard to find the time for a date, and when there’s time, there usually isn’t money for it.  This article has been written just for people who are in this situation, who are struggling to make time and money for dates with their loved ones, and are at a loss for ideas on what would work for them.  Below, you will find some of the best dates that anyone can pull off, take very little time, and won’t break the bank.

Spend the Night at Home:

You can pick up some movie candy at a local dollar store, possibly some drinks, and rent a movie from one of the kiosks that are popping up all over the place.  Order a pizza, or cook something at home.  You don’t have to go out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, and going to the movies is overrated.  In the privacy of your own home, you can watch any movie you want, for a fraction of the cost, and no one will yell at you if you talk the whole way through it.  Not to mention, there’s no one around if the two of you decide to get more intimate afterward, and you won’t have to wait until the movie’s over to have some fun.

Have a Surprise Lunch (Bonus if it’s a Picnic):

If your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife has a job close by, then you should pack a lunch full of their favorite foods and surprise them.  They will greatly enjoy the surprise and how much thought you put into the surprise…  If it is possible, you should bring things for an outdoor picnic, and eat in the sunlight.  Bring some flowers for them to put on their desk (remember the vase and water to keep them fresh), some music, or ice cream if you can, and they will make the day much more memorable.  Just remember to check and make sure that they will have time to be with you during their lunch break (you don’t want to show up if they’re in the middle of a meeting).

Watch the World Go By Together:

While it may seem like this is something that would take a long time, it can be just ten minutes.  Take the time to relax, and whether you decide to watch the sunset, sunrise, or just the clouds move by throughout the day, you will have a wonderful time.  It is a proven fact that this is something that will bring you closer to your loved one, and make you feel more at one with the world.  You can do this from anywhere, no matter if you live in the city or the country, and can take as little as 10 minutes, depending on how much time you want to spend.

These are all very easy dates that anyone could pull off.  You don’t have to spend much money or any money at all if you don’t want to.  Just take the time to put a little thought into any dates, and make it romantic, and your love life is sure to get much better than you ever imagined.  It is definitely well worth making the effort.

How to meet people

You’re just out of one more ho-hum relationship. You know that there are plenty more fish in the sea but seem to be having a hard time spotting a scale out there. If you want to be dating new, exciting people you need to find a way to date new, exciting people.

Get out:

In the digital media age, it’s so easy to live increasingly large portions of your life shut up in your home, alone. While online dating can be a great way to bridge the digital and physical divides, nothing beats getting back out into the world to start finding people you might want to date. You’ll be better able to gauge the looks and temperament of potential partners in the flesh and you’ll be able to shine in person, rather than being lost in a sea of online dating profiles.

To get out of the house more and to show yourself in your best light, look for activities or places that match your valued interests. If you’re a reader attending a book club can provide you a platform to show off your flair for plot analysis while looking for equally adept cuties. Casual, age appropriate groups exist for most interests in your community. Also consider volunteering to show off your warm and charitable nature.


Be visible:

Just being seen out and around town is a great start but it might not be enough to help you start clicking with all these great new people you’re meeting. While just being out in the crowd may work for some people, making yourself seen in the crowd is going to have a better rate of success. Making the effort to join in conversations which let you present your passions and convictions in clear, articulate ways can be a great first step to being noticed. It lets you jump from being ‘that guy from dance class’ to being cast as ‘the guy from dance class who spoke so well about politics’ in a quick conversation. Just make sure to listen as much as you speak and to make sure to respect the opinions your potential partners are sharing as well. You’re looking to present yourself as an articulate individual, not a crashing bore or a bully.

Balance being memorable and pleasant:

We’ve all known someone who worked just a bit too hard to be a character. He wore that dreadful coonskin cap. Or she talked endlessly about how her cats could communicate with her through song. And it was always just a bit too much. When you’re looking to market yourself as a great catch to all these bright young things you’re meeting, be careful not to try too hard to present yourself as a character.

You’ve got to walk a thin line here. You want to be yourself. But a socially acceptable, pleasant, easy to talk to version of yourself. You want to put forth the best version of yourself that’s possible. When you’re putting yourself out there to try and meet new people, always work to balance the amazing, quirky things that make you unique with a dose of normalcy to take the edge off of it. You want to be interesting. But safe. Opening up to the more exciting things about you a little at a time not only gives you a chance to better manage this information, it also gives your prospective partner something interesting to keep coming back to!

Kissing Tips to Spice Up Your Quality Time

Kissing is a great way to explore your partner’s body, and get closer to them.  It is a way to learn more about the person that you are with, and can greatly benefit your health (it improves mental and physical health because you are happier, and will start to burn off calories during your make-out session).  However, if you’re constantly doing the same things over and over while you kiss, then you and your partner may quickly become bored of the old routine.  Even if you’re a professional kisser, you could probably use some tips that will help you spice up the time you spend with your significant other.  Here are some suggestions that will make your time together more interesting, more passionate, and more romantic.

Trying Kissing at Different Speeds:

You can experiment with different combinations of speeds for kissing, making the pace change constantly.  This will keep it from becoming too habitual, and neither of you will be able to let your minds wander.  You can try kissing slowly, softly, and tenderly, to give your time a more romantic feel to it.  Then, after a while, try moving onto something much faster, and more passionate, so that both of you are panting and gasping for breath.  Once you need to come up for air, you can take it down a notch and spend some time exploring each other’s mouths…  All of these will work great for any couple.

Play with Ice when You Kiss:

This may seem like an odd suggestion, but it works better than you may expect.  Before you start kissing, place a piece of ice in your mouth to freeze your tongue, lips, and teeth; this will give your partner an amazing sensation, and be fun for you as well.  You can also try drinking hot liquids, which will heat your mouth—together these make for a wonderful and interesting kissing experience.

Do Different things with Your Tongue:

Many people like to use their tongues when they kiss, but when they do, they are unsure of how to do it right, and may feel awkward doing it.  You should choose to either slowly explore your partner’s mouth, and possibly playing with the space between their teeth and lips, or you can trace your tongue along the outside of their lips.  You can also choose to have your partner explore your mouth with their tongue, and play with it in your mouth; suck on it, tease it, caress it, etc.  Either way, it is difficult to go wrong—just remember to be confident or else it may feel awkward and unsure to your partner.

Take a Break from the Lips and Move Elsewhere:

Just because you’re making out does not mean that you can only kiss your partner’s lips.  Instead, take some time to let them breathe—or gasp for breath due to your kisses elsewhere on their body.  It can be incredibly romantic to kiss your partner’s neck, their collar bone, chest, down their arms to their finger tips, as well as kiss elsewhere on their face.  The more kisses you plant on them, the more excited they will become.  This is a great way to liven up your kissing time.

Don’t Be Afraid to Use Your Teeth:

Many couples will be afraid to use their teeth in kissing, but the truth is that it can make your time together incredibly erotic and exciting.  You don’t have to bite hard or leave a mark in order to arouse your partner, but a gentle nip to the neck or ear is enticing.  If you don’t feel comfortable using your teeth, then you can always use some pressure and suck with your lips—just be careful not to leave a mark if your partner doesn’t want you to.

These are great ways to improve your time kissing, and will have wonderful results.  Never again will you be bored during your make-out sessions, and you will always be able to come up with new things to try.

Is it Right for You to Take Your Relationship to the Bedroom?

Many people have a difficult time deciding whether or not sex is right for their relationship.  While some individuals treat sex as though it is nothing major, others will place a little more importance on their sex lives.  If your partner is asking you to take your relationship to the next level, or if you are trying to decide for yourself whether or not you want to enter into sexual relations, it can be a stressful choice to make.  Many people become lost and confused, and suddenly don’t have anyone to ask for advice because it is such a personal matter, and the person they would normally go to for problems is the one that they would be having sex with.  Thankfully, there are a few easy questions that you can ask yourself, and if you answer them honestly, you will be able to make a decision as to whether or not you want to have sex.

Just remember that this is a serious choice to make, and could have repercussions that will last the rest of your life.  You shouldn’t do it just because you want to, or because you don’t want to disappoint your partner; but you should do it because it is what you feel is right.  Here are a few examples of questions that will help you come to the right choice…  While these will help you, keep in mind that you should spend more time making the decision than you would deciding what you want to order for lunch.  This is serious, and should really not be taken lightly.  If you have your doubts, play it safe, and tell your partner that you’re not ready—or at least, that you would like to wait for the time being.

Start With- How long have you been together?

For many people, time spent together is a huge part of deciding whether or not is right for you to have sex.  You don’t want to be together for just a short period, and then have the other person leave you because they got what they wanted.  Of course, you will want to make sure that you are with someone that you have been with for a long time, and someone who will not leave you if you decide you aren’t ready to have sex right away.

Are you ready for this step?  Are they ready for it?

You don’t want to convince yourself that you’re ready to make this move just because your partner is, but you also don’t want to rush them into it either.  You should take the time to have a mature conversation and decide what is best for you and for your relationship.  Sex can wait, if there is need for it, and there is no need for you to go all the way just because you don’t want to wait too long.  Make sure that both you and your partner are on the same page, and that no one is uncomfortable with the decision to have sex if that is where you decide to lead your relationship.

Is your relationship monogamous?

This is something that will absolutely need to be considered, and may be one of the important factors in making your decision.  Is there any possibility that your partner is cheating on you?  Or are you cheating on them?  Is it a relationship where both people are free to be with other people?  If this is the case, then you most likely will not want to have sex until it is an exclusive relationship, and you do not have to worry about them running off to someone else.  In addition, you should seriously consider what your partner’s sexual history has been like, as well as what your own history has been.  Many people will only want to have protected sex (if that) if the other person has been in many relationships where sex was common.  This is a smart idea, as it will keep both people healthy, and STD free.

These are some of the best questions to ask yourself if you are having a hard time making a decision.  In the end, however, the only way you can make the right decision is to be true to yourself, and to be open with your partner.  This is a choice that you should make together, just consider the consequences and the benefits of each strongly before you do anything final.

How to Tell if They Are Cheating on You

How to Tell if They Are Cheating on You

In relationships, trust is one of the biggest and most important things.  Without trust, a once strong relationship could fall to pieces within a matter of a few moments.  So, if you suspect that your loved one might be cheating on you, you can imagine how much of an impact this will have on your love life.  It shouldn’t be taken lightly, and if you are worried about such things, you need to get to the root of it right away.  You will only be making matters worse for yourself if you put off finding out.  There are 3 easy ways that will help you to get a pretty good idea of whether or not you can trust your date.

Is He Suddenly Spending More and More Time Away?

Does it seem like he or she gets back from work later, and leaves for work earlier?  Or are they taking more and more business trips that last for entire weekends?  It may seem nosy, but if this is the case, consider calling the place they works and asking to be connected to them.  This will help you know whether or not they are actually there at work, rather than out somewhere, or with someone else.  If it seems like your loved one is suddenly has more excuses to be spending time away from you, then you may be correct in thinking that they are cheating on you.

How Much Time is He Spending With Other People?

If you notice that your date is constantly calling someone else, or is reluctant to let you see their phone, then you’re going to be suspicious; anyone would be, it’s just natural.  When someone cheats, they are more likely to put their time and energy into the new relationship; unless this is something that they do constantly it will be hard for them to balance their time between two people.  When your loved one seems to be excited and happy about something but won’t tell you what, it may be time to confront him.

Has He Recently Started to Lose Interest in Your Relationship?

Often times, a relationship can seem boring to a man or a woman, even if it doesn’t seem that way to you.  They may start to lose interest in making the relationship between the two of you work out, but may also be unwilling to break it off with you in the end.  As a result, many people will seek the relationship filled with excitement and new interest with another person, leaving you behind.  If this happens, it is definitely time for you to have a talk with your boyfriend or girlfriend, and decide what is best for the two of you.

Cheating is a serious thing, though it isn’t always treated as such in this modern age.  If you are suspicious that your man or woman may be cheating on you, then you should talk with them, especially if you have noticed any of the three things above.  Being honest and having a mature conversation will likely help to settle your nerves, and bring your relationship to a better point—whether it is as separate and single people, or as a once again united couple.  Either way, you need to get the trust back into your relationship, and this will not happen if you do not communicate properly.  Don’t be afraid to bring up your suspicions; as long as you don’t jump to conclusions or make accusations, everything is likely to go smoothly, and you will be much happier by the end of the conversation.

How to End a Date Gone Wrong

First dates are hard, and starting out in a new relationship can be rough—especially if the first date starts to go horribly wrong.  You shouldn’t have to worry about looking rude and leaving before the date is even halfway done, but you also shouldn’t have to sit through a date where nothing is going right.  Here are some ways to help get you out of there without offending your date, and still having a chance of going on a second date that will go in the direction you want it to.

Pretend You Don’t Feel Well, and that You Need to Go Home:

While many people have a hard time acting, this can be a great way to get out of a date gone terribly wrong.  If you can pull off this kind of act, and the situation really calls for it, then you may want to consider faking a sudden illness.  You can pretend that you have a migraine, stomach ache, or something else.  This method is sort of rude, but it is certainly effective in most situations (so long as your date doesn’t want to accompany you home to assist you and nurse you back to health… and this probably won’t work well if your date is a doctor); make sure that you apologize profusely, and offer to reschedule the date for a time when you are feeling better.

Get an “Emergency Text” So that You Have to Run Off:

If you need a quick escape, and are truly desperate, this method will work well for you.  Check your phone, pretend to read a text for a few moments, and give yourself enough time to re-read it and let a panicked expression spread across your face.  This will make it much more realistic, and your date will most likely not even suspect that you are faking.  This is rude to do, and you should really only do it if you are desperate, and don’t intend to plan a second date in the near future.

Be Honest About How You Feel, and Talk it Out:

This is probably the best way to get out of a date, and is the least likely to cause problems between the two of you later.  If a date is going badly, explain to the person that you are with that you think it would be best to end the date there for the night, because luck just isn’t with you on that particular day.  Don’t blame them or yourself for anything that went wrong, just blame it on bad luck, and ask if they would like a rain check for a day when the universe might be on your side.  They will be happy that you want to give it another try, and it is best to be honest about the way you feel, even if it might upset them.

Give even bad first dates a shot, because some dates may improve as the two of you relax and get to know each other better.  I wouldn’t suggest leaving a date right away, but if you have to end a date gone wrong, then these are some of the very best ways to do it.  And, if you are going to use one of the first two methods, give your date a bit of time to calm down so that it doesn’t look as though you’re fleeing as soon as one thing happened that you didn’t like.